Episode 7

Have you ever had one of those nights where nothing seemed to go your way? I have. Back in the early 2000s I was in my 20s. That’s a lot of 2s. The deuces were wild. I was dating a girl who wanted to “hit the club”, but not just any club, a club where there were lots of girls. I’ll let you figure out the rest.

I mean, what could go wrong, right? The problem for me sometimes is my memory. On this particular occasion, my memory lost track of the fact that when she drank, things did not go well for me. In fact, there was a pattern there which my mind simply refused to accept.

Don’t judge, I was young and clueless.

Long Week, Let’s Cut Loose

My girlfriend and I both had a very long week at work and decided we were just going to spend the weekend with one another, starting with a wild Friday night. Before we ever made it out, she had already consumed a few drinks and was feeling pretty good.

This is the girl who stuck around after the incident at Applebees. I mean, what could go wrong, right? The problem for me sometimes is my memory. On this particular occasion, my memory lost track of the fact that when she drank, things did not go well for me. In fact, there was a pattern there which my mind simply refused to accept.

Old Friends, Right

I had some “old friends” who worked at the club. We would hang out sometimes, so I knew these girls. The problem, as we would come to find out, is that my girlfriend didn’t know I knew these girls so well. She didn’t know the history, because quite frankly, I hadn’t had the opportunity yet to provide her with all the history.

So, my girlfriend wanted us to get a lap dance, which is this thing that some would say is just terrible and others would say is just wonderful. I won’t offer an opinion on that right now. While we waited for the song to begin, I sat on the couch between two beautiful women, my right hand wrapped around my girlfriend, my left hand on the shoulder of my friend. It seemed normal enough to me. Boy was I wrong.

She Gone

The next thing I know, my girlfriend was out of there! All of the sudden, she jumped up and stomped out of there like she owned the place, leaving nothing but a whisper of, “I love you, but…“. It seemed boundaries had been breached. The problem was I didn’t know the boundaries, which is why they were breached.

I walked out behind her to find out what the problem was (as if I hadn’t already started piecing it together). As soon as I caught up to her and put my hand on her shoulder with a plea to stop, I was clocked with an iron fist right in the bottom lip. I never saw it coming. This chic must have been a boxer in her past life. Wow! It hurt like hell. The inside of my lip was immediately busted open, not bad, but enough to where I tasted blood.

As we made it to the car, I opened the door for her and helped her in her side, then went around the car to get in my side. As I leaned down and into the car, she nailed me again with one of those iron fists, right in the same place the first punch landed. By this time, I was bleeding pretty good on the inside of my lip. Ultimately, this second blow would leave a nice scar, which I still have today.

I sat on the couch between two beautiful women, my right hand wrapped around my girlfriend, my left hand on the shoulder of my friend. It seemed normal enough to me. Boy was I wrong.

Stunt Woman

At this point, the night was done. I was done. She was obviously done… or something, so I started driving her home. At some point, as we were driving about 30 to 35 mph, she tried to jump out of the vehicle. I’m not exaggerating. She flung the door open and literally tried to bail. Luckily, I was able to grab her just in the nick of time to prevent the unthinkable. At this point, I was really stressed.

In the wake of this incident, I realized the passenger door was still open, so I used the brake-check-accelerate method to quickly make the door shut. Luckily, home was not far away.

Domestic Disturbance Risk

When we arrived at the apartment, she was raising hell. I quickly realized we couldn’t stay there. It wouldn’t have been fair to the neighbors, my roommate, or anyone else for that matter. As the screaming increased both in volume and frequency, people began looking out their windows and coming out of the doors. This is the moment I knew we would need to leave, so I came up with the idea for us to simply go stay in a hotel.

Upon arriving at the hotel I was able to park in a spot where I could watch her as I checked in. Throughout the check-in process, I kept glancing over. There was no way she could escape my surveillance skills, or so I thought. As I walked back to the car after completing the check-in process, a cold fear came over me as I realized she had slipped out and I had absolutely no idea where she was. She was gone!

I felt responsible for her. I made three of four laps around the parking lot looking for her, then I concluded she had climbed a twenty foot tall fence and headed toward the interstate. Yikes!

So, I did what any sane person would do. I climbed the fence and headed out to the interstate looking for her. I looked like a crazy person walking up and down the interstate, confused and frustrated.

As the screaming increased both in volume and frequency, people began looking out their windows and coming out of the doors. This is the moment I knew we would need to leave, so I came up with the idea for us to simply go stay in a hotel.

Interstate Love Song

After a few minutes of looking for her, with no luck, the police showed up and called me over and asked what I was doing. I told this officer, who stood large and in charge, that I was looking for my girlfriend. He looked at me like I was crazy, then all of the sudden jumped into his squad car and squealed the tires out of there.

At this point, I gave up on my search, so I had to go back and climb the twenty foot tall fence. Once I was back in the parking lot I walked right past her as she sat next to a tree laughing at me, telling me that she saw me frantically looking for her. She added that she saw the police stop me and saw me almost break my ankle coming down from the twenty foot tall fence. She was rolling on the floor. Very funny.

By this time, I had a hotel room, so I took her up to the room. I told her this is where we were staying, but she was still very upset at this point, amid her laughing at me, making threats and really just driving me crazy. I was actually very worried for her safety, so I stayed up most of the night until she calmed down and fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up and she was gone. I feared the worst. “What was I about to find?”, I thought to myself. I slowly walked into the bathroom and found her in the tub relaxing. She apologized for the previous night and seemed to truly feel sorrow. We agreed she should just go home and I would do the same, so we went our separate ways for the rest of the weekend.

He looked at me like I was crazy, then all of the sudden jumped into his squad car and squealed the tires out of there.

It was truly the worst night ever!